Me: You take my breath away.
Pollen: lol
Ate a healthy dinner, so I’m having pringles for dessert.
My 11 has all these girls texting him, and I’m so worried about him growing up too fast. I check his search history and I see “how to convince my mom to let me get a parakeet.”
I think I’m good.
The only time I’m happy that I’m short, is when I’m laying down in the bath and my whole body is covered
What did the drummer call his twin daughters?
Anna one, Anna two….
I’m still laughing .
You know what they say about a guy with big hands?
He can carry more cheeseburgers.
Last Christmas I gave you my heart but the very next day, you gave it away.
This year….you’re getting fruitcake.
If you like talking to yourself, then feel free to dm me.
I thought stacking Oreos and displaying them in a decorative jar was a great idea, but I’m just eating them instead.
I told my daughter her friend couldn’t come over today bc her Mom is a psycho, and she was on FaceTime with her friend.
My daughter saw a frog in the yard today so I won’t be leaving the house.
My 9: what language does toast speak?
French toast.
I’ve had 3 men proclaim their love for me since the Coronavirus hit, so how’s your quarantine going?
Santa saw your nudes and he’s getting you moisturizer, and a good razor.
My little boy told me he wants to pass out hand sanitizers for Valentine’s Day bc he’s sick of everyone’s germs.
“I wanna be your friend, but please clean your hands first.”