The next time somebody complains about millennials, maybe remind them which generation linoleumed over all those beautiful hardwood floors.
“For rescuing me, I grant you 3 wishes,” said the magic fish.
The man paused. “My first wish is sex with a fish.” They stared at eachother.
Therapist: resentment is like drinking poison in the vain hope it makes your enemies sick
Me: not if I’m banking on them eating my body
Hiding from people at parties is my cardio.