Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

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Page of BoogTweets's best tweets

@BoogTweets : All the Kings men: we need some kind of adhesive

All the kings horses: why is everyone looking at us

@BoogTweets: *adds 50lb of bird seed to cart*

Acme online: people who buy this also buy

- bird-feeder
- giant mouse trap
- jet-propelled pogo stick
- painting fake tunnels for dummies
-first aid kit
- anvil

@BoogTweets: Me: *steps up to the plate, spits, adjusts cup, taps helmet*

Waiter: is there a problem

@BoogTweets: [movie trailer]

IN A WORLD OF ANIMAL NOISES

*distant oinks and moo’s*

ONE OLD MAN KNEW THEM ALL

*dramatic music*

BUT BEFORE HE WAS A MAN

*slow piano music*

BEFORE HE HAD A FARM

*flying shot of rolling hills*

HE WAS...

*extreme close up*

YOUNG MACDONALD

[coming soon]

@BoogTweets: If the sun is so hot how come it’s single

@BoogTweets: Before the “accident” they were Duran Duran Duran

@BoogTweets: My favorite part about the teenage mutant ninja turtles is that they felt the need to wear masks so people would not recognize them at their regular jobs

@BoogTweets: [fire alarm]

Hotel California manager: oh no

@BoogTweets: Me: *being patted down* I can explain

Cop: *holding several ziplock bags filled with cheeto dust I had down my pants* this isn’t illegal but I’m listening

@BoogTweets: Me: I have bad news about, Bob

Friend: Bob from work that always fakes his own death?

Me: *Drops shovel* Oh no