If you run out of milk for your coffee just use cheese. Dairy is dairy. Stop making me solve all of your problems
I saw a diaper ad that said 25-30lbs but I honestly don’t think my kid can poop that much
If you don’t have a panini press just heat up your corduroys and sit on your sandwich. Why do I have to solve all the hard problems
Her: why are you covered in egg
Me: I got into a fight
Her: did you win?
Me: yes It was over, easy
Her: Hi, I’m Cindi with two “i’s”
If you were a plant which one would you be? I’d be nuclear power
Saw a guy on the highway in the car next to me sneeze so I ran him off the road and into the barrier. We’re in this together, folks
The opposite of isolate is yousoearly. Please don’t block me.
[6 month dentist visit]
Dentist: How often do you floss?
Me: Every 6 months
Me: ahahah say it again
The robot I built because I have no friends: hamborgers
Me: lmfao it’s hamburgers, you idiot
The robot I built that no longer wants to be friends with me:
Me: HAMBORGER LMAO