Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

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Page of Book_Krazy's best tweets

@Book_Krazy : Me: I love these lazy Sundays.

Boss: It's Tuesday. Get off my couch and out of my office. And for Christ's sake, put some clothes on!

@Book_Krazy: *Blows dandelion in the wind*
*stares at stem*

[whispers] "Now you're just somebody that I used to blow"

@Book_Krazy: Son: I have to bring a giraffe to school tomorrow

Hub: *types in zoo coordinates & grabs keys*

Me: He means a graph


@Book_Krazy: *Arrives at airport checkin*

Me: I've never been to the rainforest. I'm really excited!

-Ticket please

Me: [Hands her Amazon Gift Card]

@Book_Krazy: Me: How did Mrs. Incredible know to name her son Dash if she didnt know what his superpower was yet?

Cashier: so was that paper or plastic?

@Book_Krazy: HIM: you promise you're not an octopus?
ME: of course not silly
HIM: good. come in & meet my family
ME: *hugs all 4 of them at once*

@Book_Krazy: [Interview]

Your resume just says "I'm a mom". Why in the world would I hire you?


@Book_Krazy: Me: What were you and daddy just laughing about?

9: You

Me: What about me?

9: You won't think its as funny as we do

@Book_Krazy: [Spelling Bee]

Her: Your word is consent.

Him: Can you describe the word?

Her: Yes.

@Book_Krazy: Satan: What's that?

God: Babies. I made them the sweetest creatures in the universe.

Satan: I see. *invents screaming*

God: lol good one!