Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

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Page of BradBroaddus's best tweets

@BradBroaddus : My aunt's ex-boyfriend's mailman's brother said it on Facebook so I don't think any further research is necessary.

@BradBroaddus: My toddler puts his pants on just like everyone else.

One arm at a time.

@BradBroaddus: My wife and I found each other on a dating website.........3 years after we got married. That was awkward.

@BradBroaddus: My kids are very optimistic. Every glass they leave sitting around the house is at least half full.

@BradBroaddus: I hope the guy who stole my debit card enjoys his $12 shopping spree.

@BradBroaddus: INTERVIEWER: Why did you leave your previous job?

ME: Because once they fire you they won't let you stay.

@BradBroaddus: My dancing style can best be described as "newborn gazelle being chased by lion."

@BradBroaddus: My wife must have some big surprise vacation planned.

She left a note by the bed telling me I had until tomorrow to have my bags packed.

@BradBroaddus: ME: I want to take long walks with you.

HER: Aww...are you a romantic?

ME: No, I don't have a car.

@BradBroaddus: Got in a fight with the wife so I didn't let her sleep on the couch with me last night.