Not to get political, but my vote will go to the candidate who promises to pass a law making it illegal to earnestly call a sandwich a “sando.”
My personal brand is being the guest at a wedding who can’t dance but puts in a noticeable effort.
Reminder: Before taking your first bite into a fast food sandwich you need to redistribute the pickles.
Common crooks Rob banks. Classy thieves Robert banks.
Eating pizza is a lot like drinking alcohol. If you have too much you always end up being like “I could really go for some pizza.”
Never invite a renegade cop from a 90s action movie over for board game night. They play by their own rules!
“I wasn’t born yesterday.”
-hilarious talking baby
Cauliflower is broccoli dressed up as a ghost for Halloween.
I want to see a movie about “Bottom Gun,” the worst pilots in the Navy.