Freaking out people walking round the cemetery dressed as a Ghostbuster.
You say pervert with a telescope. I say biological astronomer.
Dilemma: Your daughter brings home a guy with an Insane Clown Posse t-shirt on but your garden is already completely full of corpses.
*Approaches girl at bar*
Brain: Say you like her eyes. No, hair. Actually, go for eyes!
Me: You have lovely hairy eyes
Brain: My bad.
My daughter: I know everything
Me: What’s the capital of brazil?
My daughter: that’s a secret
Magneto spent his high school years dating girls with braces.
When we first dated I thought your freckles were dots of inexcusable cuteness. Now I can see how joined up they draw a pentagram.
Her: What do you like about me?
Me: Your crippling self esteem issues have caused you to lower your standards.
Her: What?
Me: Your eyes
The Macarena is pretty menacing if you do it in silence in the queue at the bank.
Her: What do you notice that’s different about me?
Me: I’ll just sleep on the sofa, see you in the morning.