I’m surprised to learn very few people wash their undies in the kitchen sink
Anyhow HR wants to have another “chat”
Excited for my new sour patch kids diet. I think this is the one
The note on this boxed wine says ‘Fresh up to 6 weeks after opening’
6 weeks. lol.
Most of what I know about pre-communist Russia I learned from Boney M
Marking my last weekend of living single by finishing off these 19 cans of baked beans
I admire my upstairs neighbours’ commitment to cleanliness as they fire up their diesel-powered vacuum to clean their hardwood floors at 11:43 pm
Hey cell phone companies who play smooth jazz hold music hoping I’ll lose interest and give up: yeah, it’s kinda working
The cat hair really brings out the notes of fruit and cedar doesn’t it
– Me, if you’re drinking wine at my house
The guy who cut me off then slammed on his brakes just got pulled over and I wasn’t expecting this level of joy today
Me:
My cat: wow you sure nap a lot
I know for a fact that the devil exists because I have to pee real bad every time I finish chopping a jalapeño
Dads are required to say PARDON ME when there’s a loud thunderclap
Had salad for the third night in a row and now I get why you’re so angry, vegans
I agree noisy knees. I SHOULD stay on the couch
Brewmaster: Get out of there at once!
(Me, splashing giddily in vat): IT’S OK I’M WEARING UNDIES