*presses shuffle on 900 song playlist
Spotify: IMMA ONLY JUST PLAY THESE 12 EVER
Shout out to that lifeguard who recommended moving the potato to the front of my speedo
Etiquette advice please: I can smell that my neighbour’s grilling burgers
Do I bring my own paper plate or is he obligated to provide one
I panicked when my car wasn’t in the driveway after walking home from the mechanic so my Mensa invitation should arrive any day now
Logged into LinkedIn for the first time in three months and immediately received 45 emails from LinkedIn
My neighbour won’t make eye contact with me ever since I mistook her for my Uber when she stopped at the mailbox in front of my house
(sitting in back seat, locking eyes with the kid in the child seat) “Huh. I didn’t know drivers could bring their kids”
Odd – my boss told me to meet him at the abandoned quarry at midnight for my performance evaluation
Just spent 3 hours doing yard work *
* Looking for my gloves in the shed
Something our American friends may not know about us Canadians: all 38 million of us know each other
My neighbours claim to be huge Disney fans but called the cops when I mowed the lawn Winnie the Pooh style
Potato chips ARE vegetables! I exclaim as I tear open the third bag
Using my teeth to open the pack of hot dogs I brought for my inflight snack
Shoutout to my upstairs neighbours for finding a loophole in the ‘no elephants’ clause in their lease
Trying to decide what to burn for dinner so I can order pizza
It’s a beautiful sunny Friday and the only way I could be less productive is if I deleted my work from yesterday