Cleaned out my car yesterday, it only took me 15 years.
I’ve never Met Gala but I heard she’s weird.
“Be the change you want to see in the world. ”
Me: Cool, can I be a 10 and two 5’s?
Never figured out why animated movies always showed a witch brewing some boiling hot Mountain Dew in a big cauldron.
When I get old, I’m going to buy a monster costume to terrorize people for own personal gain, like a Scooby-Doo villain.
One day I want to wear jeans to the gym, just to watch the outrage.
My soon to be 13-year-old has been wearing my crocs… how do you say “stay in your lane” in Thirteenese?
“A UFO was just shot down 5 miles from my house.”
-Everyone on TikTok
Bringing Egg Nog to Thanksgiving just for the evil glares.
“I’m a real hipster.” He said, as his mustache fell off into his cold brew.