The History Channel; because where else are you going to learn about how aliens were instrumental in the development of humanity?
Wife: *working a crossword* Seven letter word for female.
Me: Ironman
Wife: Get out!
Is fructose made with real fruct?
People find me confusing because I sometimes use the wrong potatoes in my sentences.
Me: let’s go get a baby dinosaur.
Wife: where are we going to get a baby dinosaur?
M: at the babysaurus store.
W: Baby’s R Us you idiot.
If Bugs Bunny was as sarcastic in real life as he was in the cartoons I’d be like, “HOLY SHIT A TALKING RABBIT!”
It must be very traumatic for my wife to be at work knowing I’m home alone getting bread crumbs on the kitchen counter.
Let’s pray for her.
Guinness Book of World Records should be in the Guinness Book of World Records as being the book with the most world records.