I made my kids some Simba shaped pancakes, but my 2yo wouldn’t eat Simba and she started crying. I felt like a savage telling her to eat simba, so I cut Simba’s ears off, I realized my mistake when I saw the horror in her face, and now everyone is traumatized.
When I was 4 my dad got pulled over and I screamed “I have to poop!!!” and the cop let my dad go. When he took me to the bathroom my dad couldn’t stop laughing after I told him I didn’t have to poop, just didn’t want him to get a ticket. Sure hope my kids return the favor
My favorite part of going to the bathroom are the little notes my 7yo slides under the door saying “we are hungry”
Person: Have you thought about having more kids??
Husband: No, but we’ve thought about having less.
How old are you?
Me: *trying to math it out*
Me: *forgets birth year*
Me: * forgets current year*
Me: *runs away*
I love watching my 3yo and 2yo fight because they throw kicks and nobody makes contact and they say shit like, “you’re boring!” and “I have socks!” as insults and it’s amazing.
When my 7yo was 5 she found a cape in my drawer. I told her I was a superhero and to keep it a secret. At random she would whisper “I know your secret” and it would freak me out, how much does this kid know!? Then I would remember the cape incident.
1yo: Jesus Jesus Jesus!
Me: OMG are you saying Jesus!?
Me:Oh my God….
Me: she’s…. a prophet!
Me: Show me! Where is Jesus!
Me: cheez-its??… cheez-its! You want cheez-its?
1yo: yes! Jesus.
[Calling doctor’s office]
Lady: When is your child’s birthday?
Me: *panic* click