@CYComedy

My goal weight is for it not to look like I’m having a stroke when I yawn.

@CYComedy

An upscale Asian restaurant called “Suit and Thai.”

@CYComedy

Just had too much fun with a woman who lost her son named “Marco” in the supermarket just now.

@CYComedy

My goal weight is for my waiter to ask me if I want a salad with my meal without bursting into laughter.

@CYComedy

This Job Fair sucks, it doesn’t even have rides.

@CYComedy

Any wife can be a trophy wife if you bring her to a Taxidermist.

@CYComedy

Is anybody else having trouble logging into my wife’s Facebook account?

@CYComedy

Batman’s Bat Signal was really banking on the fact that crimes only happened at night.

@CYComedy

As soon as I walk in, I can feel every woman at the gym dressing me with their eyes.