Condom commercials should just be 30 seconds of crying babies shitting and vomiting all over themselves.
My goal weight is for it not to look like I’m having a stroke when I yawn.
This Job Fair sucks, it doesn’t even have rides.
Any wife can be a trophy wife if you bring her to a Taxidermist.
Batman’s Bat Signal was really banking on the fact that crimes only happened at night.
As soon as I walk in, I can feel every woman at the gym dressing me with their eyes.