Manager: Ok, this zoom meeting has to finish in 5 mins
Me: *switches cap backwards to sports mode*
The only thing I hate more than answering my phone is checking my voice mail messages
You see my problem here
I have this condition that means I have to vacuum my house daily.
Friend: Oh, OCD?
Me: Children.
The first rule of Minecraft club, is we do not talk about anything other than Minecraft!!
8-12yo’s apparently
5: this one time i slept in till like 7am!
Me: *holding back tears* I remember
My son is more polite to an Alexa speaker than his own family
Apparently, all it takes is knowing every dinosaur fact in the universe
Teacher: You’re a grown adult, why can’t you help your child with their math homework?!
Me: Sorry, I’ll try 105% harder
Teacher: You know what, please don’t!
Disappointed it’s raining this weekend
Was totally going to do that job I’ve been putting off for 6 months
Told my kid in my day, if I missed an episode of a show, might have wait years to see it again
He looked at me like I’d just showed him prison tattoos
I know I have a dark sense of humour sometimes, but I’m genuinely just trying to make people laugh and never really trying to be offensive
Unless, of course, you’re vegan lol
Told my 8yo he had to go outside and play for awhile before he was allowed to play more playstation
He refused because, “That’s bribery, Dad!” 😂
Me: We’re going to get a new ventilation system installed, will make the house much healthier
7: Why is it unhealthy, it’s never even had junk food?
I took two days of first aid and now I’m really wondering why it takes doctors 4+ years to learn all this!
Nothing to do, you say?
I never over sleep in the mornings
I set an alarm, a back up alarm, and a 4yo once those fail