@CakeThrottle

Garfield creator breaks silence to give impassioned speech. “It’s pronounced Jarfield” he says through tears

@CakeThrottle

On a scale of corn to manycorn how impressed are you by my new corn-based number system

@CakeThrottle

I still remember the first time I lied about being able to time travel. It was tomorrow.

@CakeThrottle

If you get robot arms don’t get the cheap ones [starts clapping for no reason]

@CakeThrottle

Bored? Sneak a dog into the movies and loudly explain the plot to the dog

@CakeThrottle

Bruce Willis: I hate when people talk during movies, I never do it
Director: Yes but we’re filming the movie now, do you see the difference

@CakeThrottle

[Interview with a time traveller]
“What’s life like in the year 3000?”

It’s pretty much the same as 2015 but you can download a towel

@CakeThrottle

If you lie down on the floor in McDonald’s you get to meet the manager

@CakeThrottle

I keep getting bills from the Memory Erasing Clinic but I’ve never been there

@CakeThrottle

We shouldn’t send our trash into space, that’s how you get space raccoons