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Page of CantWaitToNap's best tweets

@CantWaitToNap : Nothing says "I've been going through your shit" like "why do you delete your browser history?"

@CantWaitToNap: Thanks for doing that thing that makes me feel like an idiot.

~Me to me

@CantWaitToNap: “Baby, you know I’m drunk.”

Cop: “I need you step out of the vehicle.”

@CantWaitToNap: I don’t know why they are staring. Ignore them.

*Holds drink up to your voodoo doll’s mouth*

@CantWaitToNap: Take me to get something to eat. I’m too drunk to drive.

Officer: “I need you to step out of the car, ma’am.”

@CantWaitToNap: *Bites lower lip*

"So this is an abduction then?"

Cop: "Stop that. You're under arrest."

@CantWaitToNap: Oh my God. You try to run him over one time, and he never lets you forget it.

@CantWaitToNap: I hate crumbs, so I eat my snacks in bed on his side.

@CantWaitToNap: *Flings your voodoo doll out into the snow*

You cold, bro?