Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
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@CantWaitToNap : Fun fact: Pouring water on a snorer only makes them mad.
@CantWaitToNap: Seriously, calm down. I backed into you by accident.
Him: You hit me three times!
@CantWaitToNap: Dance like you haven’t fallen off that pole twice already.
@CantWaitToNap: [Watching the news]
This is all wrong, villains are supposed to be fictional characters.
@CantWaitToNap: Nothing says "I've been going through your shit" like "why do you delete your browser history?"
@CantWaitToNap: Thanks for doing that thing that makes me feel like an idiot.
~Me to me
@CantWaitToNap: “Baby, you know I’m drunk.”
Cop: “I need you step out of the vehicle.”
@CantWaitToNap: *Seductively forgets you*
@CantWaitToNap: I don’t know why they are staring. Ignore them.
*Holds drink up to your voodoo doll’s mouth*
@CantWaitToNap: Take me to get something to eat. I’m too drunk to drive.
Officer: “I need you to step out of the car, ma’am.”