@CantWaitToNap

My daughter was pretty pissed that someone called the cops, ending her party.

Whatever, I needed some sleep.

@CantWaitToNap

OMG, shoot him with a crossbow one time and he never shuts up about it.
It wasn’t even fatal.

@CantWaitToNap

I’m not saying I got lost, but a search party did find me on the wrong mountain.

@CantWaitToNap

Sorry I hit you with my car over and over… but you kept getting up.

@CantWaitToNap

“I want you inside me,” I whispered to the tray of warm brownies.

@CantWaitToNap

*Looks up from phone.
“When did you get home?”

Husband: “I’ve been talking to you for the last 15 minutes.”

@CantWaitToNap

Keep the mystery alive and continue to surprise your partner by using chloroform to induce disorientation.