Just call and I’ll be there.
*Turns phone off*
My daughter was pretty pissed that someone called the cops, ending her party.
Whatever, I needed some sleep.
His best quality?
His bad eyesight. He thinks I’m beautiful.
OMG, shoot him with a crossbow one time and he never shuts up about it.
It wasn’t even fatal.
I’m not saying I got lost, but a search party did find me on the wrong mountain.
Sorry I hit you with my car over and over… but you kept getting up.
“I want you inside me,” I whispered to the tray of warm brownies.
Oh my God. Where are you?
Car keys: LMFAO
*Looks up from phone.
“When did you get home?”
Husband: “I’ve been talking to you for the last 15 minutes.”
Keep the mystery alive and continue to surprise your partner by using chloroform to induce disorientation.