I’m a good person!
You can tell because I’m announcing it loudly.
Say what you want about Korn, but they really cornered the incorrectly spelled vegetable band name market.
Alanis Morissette should write a chemistry book titled Isn’t It Ionic?
The chicken coup is unlocked!
“Don’t you mean the chicken coop?”
*Watches chickens carrying machine guns overthrow the farm*
No, Snowball
Okay friends, gonna start reading Garfield comics please don’t spoil which day he doesn’t like for me.
If you eat a king crab you are automatically in succession for the crustacean throne.
HER: My daughter is named Nevaeh which is heaven spelled backwards.
ME: *Phone rings* Hold on my son Elohssa is calling
You fight a boss in a video game and it’s “acceptable,” but you fight your boss at your job and it’s “termination” and “likely a lawsuit.”
I hired a nanny to watch my kids. Little did she know they were just two sacks of potatoes. When I got home I accused her of witchcraft.
Ace of Base and the Lords of Acid meet in a bar and neutralize each other