@CatsVsHumanity: Life Lessons From Cats:
• take more naps
• rules were meant to be broken
• it's okay to hide when you're scared
• always demand respect
• if you have an itch, scratch it
• find joy in the simple things
• you can bury your shit but eventually someone's gonna find it
@CatsVsHumanity: An hour of interrogation later and the cat still has not revealed the location of the 4 missing puzzle pieces
@CatsVsHumanity: I'm getting old. I wake up now and my body is like...
Bladder: better hurry up!
Back: woah, no sudden movements!
Head: ouch, did we drink last night?
Back: WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT SUDDEN MOVEMENTS!
Bladder: um, so I've got some news...
@CatsVsHumanity: At some point you realize that world peace and inner peace are too much to wish for and ask for an extra piece of pizza instead
@CatsVsHumanity: Signs you're a full fledged adult:
• You choose restaurants based on the availability of parking
• You pay attention to the weather now
• You have at least one mole you're keeping an eye on
• You have a favorite stove burner
• You don't give af what's "cool" anymore
@CatsVsHumanity: Facebook: Look at my perfect life
Instagram: Validate me harder
Twitter: Does this look infected?