@CauseWereGuys

I farted while lifting a heavy object today. It was very embarrassing. I had to apologize to the man at the next urinal.

@CauseWereGuys

Lord please give me patience, because if you give me strength I may just beat someone to death.

@CauseWereGuys

Siri is the only girl that answers my questions without having to ask why..

@CauseWereGuys

Apparently it was a bad idea to ask Siri “What do women want?” She has been talking nonstop for the last two days.

@CauseWereGuys

“Say hello to my little friend” Great Movie Quote. Terrible bedroom talk.