@ChaseMit

Thanksgiving and Christmas should be six months apart. Absurd to see those people again so soon. Insane.

@ChaseMit

I’m missing the VMAs. Who’s losing? Is it music?

@ChaseMit

Let’s be honest: The documentary they were making before the Blair Witch killed them would have sucked

@ChaseMit

“Fine, I’m sorry, you win, just, please stop crying.” – my rap battle opponent

@ChaseMit

My girlfriend’s car got stolen today, so if you see a man driving a dark green Honda Civic, PLEASE tell him I left some Skittles in there.

@ChaseMit

Hey, people who act like they’re about to fight but are really friends, you are FREAKING the rest of us out.

@ChaseMit

I think police forgot which organized group of white dudes with shaved heads they are.

@ChaseMit

You’ll get this gun when you pry it out of my cold dead ow hey give that back

@ChaseMit

The iPad Air is named after what’s left in your bank account when you buy one.

@ChaseMit

“Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs” could also describe every menu item at Olive Garden.