When I die, I’d like a closed casket funeral, but I’d like my body to be painted on the top of the casket, only with a lot more muscles added.
Should the hole from my vaccination shot be beeping a day later?
Murder Hornets have arrived in America. Not sure how they got past the wall.
I wear a mask in public, not only because the vast majority of doctors say it’s safe and an effective way to combat COVID-19, but also to hide my second chin.
Good luck with my paper jam, next person.
Just overheard my 6-year-old son ask Alexa, “Alexa, is there anyone my dad could beat up?”
I am pretty impressed with the woman that created the algorithm to take the first photo of a black hole. Especially because it took me four tries to correctly spell the word “algorithm.”
I wonder if people in Fiji pay $6 a bottle for “American Water.”
So it turns out that the cookie dough flavored toothpaste I have been using is actually just normal cookie dough.
If I’ve learned anything from movies, it’s that if you are investigating something important and get shot, you have to leave the hospital, even though the doctors say you shouldn’t.