I wear a mask in public, not only because the vast majority of doctors say it’s safe and an effective way to combat COVID-19, but also to hide my second chin.
Good luck with my paper jam, next person.
Just overheard my 6-year-old son ask Alexa, “Alexa, is there anyone my dad could beat up?”
I am pretty impressed with the woman that created the algorithm to take the first photo of a black hole. Especially because it took me four tries to correctly spell the word “algorithm.”
I wonder if people in Fiji pay $6 a bottle for “American Water.”
So it turns out that the cookie dough flavored toothpaste I have been using is actually just normal cookie dough.
If I’ve learned anything from movies, it’s that if you are investigating something important and get shot, you have to leave the hospital, even though the doctors say you shouldn’t.
This librarian isn’t even wearing glasses! I’m not even going to ask her where a book is. She’s not going to know.
My teenage son says that fanny packs are back in style at his high school. I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT MY ENTIRE LIFE!
Fun fact: At the end of Titanic, when all the people are dying in the water, if you listen very closely, you can hear a faint, “Marco” and then an even fainter, “Polo.”