Don’t pay your taxes. Get sent to a cool ass prison. Boom, now taxes pay you. Life hack.
Lost my car keys so I’m forcing the guy at Home Depot to make me new ones based on what I remember about them.
Asked a Target employee if I could open this camera before I buy it and he said he wouldn’t even care if I killed someone in front of him.
Leaving my browser history open in case anyone in this coffee shop tries to steal my laptop when I’m in the bathroom.
The best part of being a girl is not having to open doors. If I approach a door and a guy isn’t there I just take a nap til one shows up.
I take it personally when I let a car cut in front of me and then they immediately get into another lane. Come back you are with me now.
So those numbers on sports jerseys are how many people each player has killed or what.