I’d rather my kid bring home head lice than another goddamn fundraising form.
I always take the high road, because the colors are more psychedelic and sometimes you see a unicorn.
It’s not real love unless you leave your phone in plain sight overnight.
Even the worst hangover wears off by 5:00. Coincidence? I think not.
He died doing what he loved…failing to read my mind.
This guy must really want to impress me with his endurance skills. Because when I asked if he wanted a ride, he said “No thanks I’ll walk”
I’m glad the Dentist calls me the day before to remind me to cancel my appointment.
Nothing makes me more proud of my son’s sense of humor, than when he asks me for help with his algebra homework.
Grey Goose and Red Bull, because two sets of wings is better than one.
Don’t trust anyone that orders a Medium Pizza….