Me: Thanks for taking the time
Interviewer at Facebook: Sure, let me start by telling you something about yourself
May the fourth be with you and if you’re married, may the back and forth be with you
left my toddler unsupervised with a bottle of glitter glue
It takes an entire village’s coffee to raise a child
Number of times I’ve cooked Mac and cheese: 1000
Number of times I’ve thrown the box and then picked it up from trash to read the instructions: 1024
The way my kids use toothpaste they’ll never have a cavity in their bathroom sink
Ordered new coats for my kids and for convenience I had them shipped directly to their school’s lost and found section
How to shape your eyebrows
A thread
Not to brag but I already took down the Easter Tree
When walking by the school’s lost and found area dads can’t stop themselves from saying “you wanna go shopping, get a new coat?”
Amazed that my wife didn’t tell me that today our 8YO had a school field trip, for which both of us got multiple email reminders
7YO: Daddy you’re so talented
Me: Awww Thank Y..
7YO: …last night your snoring sounded like a pig was beat boxing
Who even sits in the middle on a sofa? Just buy corners and be done
The pricier the food, the faster kids drop it on the floor
My wife still brings up that one time in March 2015 I complained of tired legs while she was in labor