For a movie called IT, there were suprisingly few computers in it
Me: aww, cute dog! Can I pet him?
Friend: careful, he might hurt you
Dog: so, how’s your love life?
I don’t get the concept of Beach House Hunters. You don’t have to hunt a house. Especially on the beach. It has nowhere to hide
Me when the waiter asks if there’s room for dessert
[meeting new people]
Them: so, tell me something fun about yourself
Me: *nervously* I don’t wear clown makeup usually
*kidnapping Beyoncé* got your Knowles
Ok guys, very important meeting at the Waldorf Astoria Shovel Palace. Bring your own shovel!
Boss: Thank you for paying attention for this five hour meeting, I really appreciate your focus
Me: *still wondering when it’s the perfect time to tell him he has a booger in his nose* no problem
Witch 1: *crying* the doctor said I can’t have kids
Witch 2: oh no, why?
Witch 1: I need to watch my cholesterol
Pigs: we’d really love a brick house
Wolf realtor: how do we feel about wood tho?