ME: i saw a guy on the back of a van
FRIEND: …and?
ME: that’s it i guess
Alright so I have a pretty good joke for if Pirates Of The Carribean was nominated for several academy awards and lost all of them that the host could say and it’s this: “I’ve heard of not a dry eye in the house, but not an aye aye in the house?”
Word of advice, don’t get a tattoo til you’re old enough. Thought I was gonna be into this stuff forever.
When I pack too much for a short trip.
Decided to use the classic celebrity break up picture torn in half method to announce that my cat no longer likes these treats.
(to the tune of We Will Rock You)
I feed my dog dog food
Is it safe for Ryan Gosling to wink at a girl that’s already pregnant or does it like, poke the baby?