3yo: Dad, have you ever seen a dinosaur?
ME: No. No one has. They lived during a different time.
3yo: How sad–
ME: Well it’s a liitle sad, but that’s the circle of life; & if dinosaurs had not perished, we probably wouldn’t–
3yo: How sad no one knows what dinosaurs taste like.
The only vampire who matters to me lives on Sesame Street. The rest don’t count.
I break it to my toddler that “L-M-N-O-P” is not one letter, but 5. And we’re going to have to learn every one of those effing bad boys. She is aghast. I calmly assure her this isn’t the first time she’ll be disappointed upon learning the “real” lyrics to a song she likes.
Lavender is my latest aromatherapy love, but it’ll be awhile before anything makes me forget about rubber cement.
Insomniacs who are not afraid of the dark have nighty-night problems but the pitch ain’t one.
A faucet is just a vertical treadmill for a tiny jesus
ME:I dunno why I try dialogue tweets.
ME: Me neither.
ME: Who neither
ME: Which you? Me you or you you?
Someone just told me to tone it down a notch. So disrespectful. I don’t have notches. I’m analog. I’m continuous. We have smidgens. I’ll tone it down a smidgen.
I love when you look into someone’s eyes and you can just see their face light up because they are some sort of cyborg with face lighting.
My two-year-old just made up her own ukulele song. It seems to be called “Even if I was never born (I would still want a popsicle)”