@Contwixt: WIFE: let's get a rhododendron
ME: I hate dinosaurs no thanks
WIFE: it's not a dinosaur
ME: What is it?
WIFE: it's hard to describe without a thesaurus
ME: I said no dinosaurs
@Contwixt: I don't want to open a can of worms in a china shop but mixed metaphors can be very effective and logical to boot. No bull.
@Contwixt: Controlling my life lately has been like trying to fit an alligator for a retainer.
@Contwixt: I think much faster than I speak, so anything you hear me say is probably from a couple years ago or so.
@Contwixt: Pro-tip: The best way to keep people away from you in public is to carry a clipboard. People fear the living shit out of clipboards.
@Contwixt: My entire life can be summed up by those anxious and awkward breaths; the ones where you wonder if the hiccups are really gone or not.
@Contwixt: Geese are too effing smart for my comfort level and frankly I don't know why more folks aren't alarmed. Geese are like cats only they can honk; oh and also they can fly. And they can fly in a spaceship formation; with collective grace that puts even the best Zumba class to shame.