I locked myself out of my office twice already today. I guess Mercury definitely in rubbermaid.
Okay I’m getting out of bed to go check my lottery tickets. If you don’t hear back, the money changed me.
I just took the Christmas tree down. Gonna dye Easter eggs this afternoon.
My annual evaluation was today at work.
I’ll be riding this “exceeds expectations” high for weeks.
I paid a mime good money for a box and now I can’t find it.
Since I got my iPhone eleventeen last week I have taken about 47 screenshots of my Home Screen just trying to turn the gd thing off.
I had three cabbage rolls before bed. No need for an alarm clock.
*splashes water on my face*
*looks up, squinting into the mirror in front of me*
My socks are now soaked. They don’t mention that in the
Neutrogena commercials.
I won $2 on the lottery last night so please, hold my calls.
If there’s cake in the fridge, the fridge becomes a medicine cabinet.
I don’t make the rules.
I took the battery out of my biological clock and put it in the TV remote.
I had my arm bandaged all day because I got a large tattoo yesterday. So today coworkers were all, “WHAT HAPPENED?”
My answered ranged from “arm herpes” to “sex swing injury.”
Since the summer Olympics got postponed a year, that means I still have time to master ribbon gymnastics.
Sure I might have bitten someone today, but they deserved it.
I’ll never have the opportunity to Say Yes to the Dress, but I’ll Say Yes to the Cookie like, three times a day. Minimum.