landlord is raising our rent 9.5% I think I’ll start burying all of my garbage in the backyard
landlord put a coin-op pay box on the laundry a month into our stay so I’m looking up the manufacturer and buying a replacement key for it to steal my quarters back.
tony soprano is my role model because he’s always lightly sweating and yet still highly respected by his peers
I want to know what ideas were so bad that “horny cows” made it on the billboard
someone is getting married down the street from me and their wedding geofilter works at my house
Does anyone know how to save your game on twitter I’ve been playing for 2 years straight my mom is pissed
NOBODY MOVE THIS IS A ROBBERY! *other robber looks over at me* dude no you can move. We talked about this. Get the money
Christian politicians hate science because they think it’s always talking about two Adams bonding
nicole kidman please name your next child Teendude
We’ve got some ground rules in this house bro. if there’s a sock on the doorknob it means im trippin balls and think the door is a big foot
all the sexy dinosaurs went extinct during the flirtatious period
learn just enough tap dancing just to tap dance out of the room when you win an argument
I like my women like I like my wemoweh a wemoweh a wemoweh a wemoweh IN THE JUNGLE THE MIGHTY JUNGLE THE LION SLEEPS TONIIIIIIIIGHT
The jerk store called. *removes hat* I’m afraid there’s been an accident.
after my son won his soccer game, his teammate invited us over to celebrate. it was father, son, and the goalie host