Don’t you find it weird when you go to high five someone and they interlock their fingers with yours and hold it together for a few seconds?
I know you do. That’s why I do it.
Sub the word ‘hostage’ for the word ‘parent’ at your child’s next activity to spice up the conversations with all the other hostages.
I invented a gun that fires strawberries, but it keeps getting jammed.
You are twice as likely to be killed by a vending machine then a shark.
So if you see any vending machines swimming near you, GET OUT OF THE WATER IMMEDIATELY.
Wife: You’re lost.
Me: No. This is exactly where we are suppose to park.
