Daycare sent me a pic of my 4yr old daughter holding hands with a boy..
with interlocked fingers..
send bail money!
My daughter is worse than a twitter newbie..
She manually Retweets everything I say…
To my wife!
Boss-You’re Always the first one here!
Me-Hey,*early bird gets the worm, right?
*gets to poop or drink coffee without 3yr old interrupting
In case you haven’t checked Facebook,
It’s hot today, the fireworks were beautiful, and 32 friends invited you to play candy crush!
Hey dude, there’s 10 empty urinals in here no need to stand right next to…
And now he’s talking to me!
Someone call 911!
Child protective services?
Who’s protecting the parents Huh?
WHO’S PROTECTING THE PARENTS?
Wife-CAN YOU CLEAN UP?
Me-*Quietly mutters- I don’t work for you!
3-*runs out of room yelling-
DADDY SAYS HE DOESN’T WORK FOR YOU!
Arguing with a woman is like being attacked by a bear…
You’re better off playing dead and hoping they get bored and walk away!