My wife asked me why I was doing the dishes while sitting down.
Told her it’s because I can’t stand doing it.
I just locked eyes with a spider.
But instead of killing him I ran away and hid, so he can spend the night stressing about where I am.
My inflatable house got a puncture
last night.Now I’m living in a flat.
I caught my son chewing on electrical cords.
So I had to ground him.
He’s doing better currently.
And conducting himself properly …
My wife yelled from upstairs and asked, “Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone’s got a voodoo doll of you and they’re stabbing it?”
I replied “No…”
She responded: “How about now?”
I begin to read a horror novel in Braille.
Something bad is about to happen, I can feel it.