My dad’s always complaining about the thermostat.
He’ll say to me, “Daniel, why did you get a tattoo of a Thermos?”
[Calling the police]
“Help! Someone with a slice of beef strapped to his elbow is chasing me!”
“Stay calm.”
“Yes, that’s him!”
If you knock down a policeman, they’ll get backup.
Bread puns are on the rise!
I wish I could stop naming Bruce Willis films. I guess old habits… Pulp Fiction.
“People keep accidentally asking me to purchase meat for them”
“By mistake?”
“Not you as well”.