@DanKCharnley

Sensible dad: I’d like to buy 3 ‘fleeks’ & 7 ‘swags’ for my son.

“Sir this is Urban Outfitters”

Do you have any ‘baes’?

“Please leave”

@DanKCharnley

Don’t make me take off my belt because then my pants would fall down and my body looks like an egg on toothpicks.

@DanKCharnley

I’m jealous of turtles because if they don’t want to talk to someone, they’re like “Nah, dude, busy in my shell right now. Come back later.”

@DanKCharnley

Neat, your girlfriend is made out of the same stuff as your air guitar!

@DanKCharnley

Shake what your momma gave ya!

*shakes old decorative wreath*

(pine needles and holly berries go everywhere)