The mall reopened today, but I don’t have any Bath & Body coupons so I’m not going.
Poetry is hard enough but damn haiku got me over here counting syllables and shit.
My husband said he’d gotten an idea for a gift for me from a show he’s been watching. I just realized that thanks to free HBO on Hulu he’s rewatching The Sopranos. Now I’m a bit concerned.
If you’re blowing a horn at me, you’d better be in a band.
Him: If it hadn’t been for cotton-eyed Joe
I’d been married long time ago
Where did you come from, Where did you go?
Where did you come from, cotton-eyed Joe?
Her: Okay. I’ll just put “single” on this Census form.
Use helium in your air guitar to hit those extra high notes.
Welcome to your 40s, your favorite songs are on the radio again. They call it classic rock now, but still.
I disabled the reminder beep on my microwave months ago, because what kind of idiot forgets food. Tonight I found my would’ve been breakfast burrito in the microwave. So…yeah.
My son was awake early and I told him “Happy Easter.” He said he thought that was last week. In his defense though, I did bake a ham and give him a bag of Cadbury mini eggs last week… when I thought it was Easter.
My daughter says people on Facebook are warning to not post about your hairdresser if they make a house call because they’ll lose their license. I imagine vigilante beauticians using the cover of night to sneak out and fight dead ends and gray roots using their capes as…capes.