Please don’t ruin it for me by saying, “You don’t know where that’s been,” when I find something cool on the ground.
I’m wearing my brand new all white Nikes today, so please respect my personal space by extending it an additional 2 feet.
My sweet-as-can-be daughter who’s never even once gotten in trouble listens to podcasts about serial killers to relax, if you’re wondering about the healthy home environment I’ve provided.
On the bright side, when wearing a face mask, I pick my nose in public much less often.
The rose scented hand sanitizer I got from Bath & Body Works reminds me of a funeral home so I just kinda go with it and think of the dead germs.
I grew up between two pig farms. So, you had me at “farm fresh” and lost me at “air.”
Of course my husband went into sales. He told his drill sergeant at basic training he was allergic to fish because he didn’t like fish and got a sandwich made for him. IN THE ARMY.
Beastie Boys: So whatcha whatcha whatcha want?
2020: *deep breath*
On a recent tour of my son’s college, the guide walked us up 5 flights of steep stairs because she didn’t think the 4 of us should share an elevator. I’m pretty sure the extreme shortness of breath my husband and I had, at the top, confirmed her concern for protecting our heath.
Motherhood is the perfect combination of heart swelling pride and “I didn’t sign up for this.”