@DaveTheAlbino

I always wanted to be just like Flo Rida. That’s why I changed my name to “New Ham Sure”

@DaveTheAlbino

Batman had the bat signal.

If you need to get my attention, hold a Roast Beef Sandwich over a floor lamp and aim it at my apartment.

@DaveTheAlbino

I’m too fat to be a hipster. I’m thinking of becoming a Heapster instead.

@DaveTheAlbino

I’ve never been to Pilates but I have tried to change clothes in the car.

@DaveTheAlbino

There’s absolutely no way Lady Gaga was born with half an Office Depot hot-glued to her head.