@Daveastated

An alternate Batman origin story where Bruce’s parents are slowly pushed off a ledge by Catwoman.

@Daveastated

WE ARE CURRENTLY EXPERIENCING HIGH CALL VOLUMES. WE RECOMMEND HOLDING THE PHONE AWAY FROM YOUR EAR.

@Daveastated

“if your electricity goes out, you come see me before you do anything else.”

-fuse box on a power trip.

@Daveastated

Me: *smug* I think you’ll find there’s a big difference between hearing, and listening

Her: that is literally what I just said

@Daveastated

A computer game where you go back in time with a gun to kill Adam; it’s a first person shooter.

@Daveastated

Sometimes my views are right wing, sometimes left, it just depends where I’m sat on the airplane.

@Daveastated

*When you can teleport through your phone*

Hello! Can you here me?