Kinda rude the way this hedgehog is running away from me when I’m trying to stick cheese on his spikes.
This guy is choking on the last hotdog I wanted so I’m just going to let him die.
HELLO, FIRST TIME CALLER, LONG TIME LISTENER, OCCASIONAL MURDERER.
Stop giving me life advice, people who don’t know how crocodiles have sex.
Homeless people are so lucky. They don’t have to pay rent and can eat as many pigeons as they want.
The best thing about hand sanitiser is that when you put it on, it looks like you are plotting to take over the world.
Please. I am 36 and live with 2 guinea pigs.
Weird, started flirting in this bar and for some reason 4 guys just killed themselves.
Dating tip: Men always remember the woman who vomited on them.
I would like to be a zombie because when someone asked me if I had a boyfriend I could just eat them.