@Dawn_M_

Kinda rude the way this hedgehog is running away from me when I’m trying to stick cheese on his spikes.

@Dawn_M_

This guy is choking on the last hotdog I wanted so I’m just going to let him die.

@Dawn_M_

HELLO, FIRST TIME CALLER, LONG TIME LISTENER, OCCASIONAL MURDERER.

@Dawn_M_

Stop giving me life advice, people who don’t know how crocodiles have sex.

@Dawn_M_

Homeless people are so lucky. They don’t have to pay rent and can eat as many pigeons as they want.

@Dawn_M_

The best thing about hand sanitiser is that when you put it on, it looks like you are plotting to take over the world.

@Dawn_M_

Dating Tips
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5.

Please. I am 36 and live with 2 guinea pigs.

@Dawn_M_

Weird, started flirting in this bar and for some reason 4 guys just killed themselves.

@Dawn_M_

Dating tip: Men always remember the woman who vomited on them.

@Dawn_M_

I would like to be a zombie because when someone asked me if I had a boyfriend I could just eat them.