How much longer must I pretend to understand the eclipse, this is exhausting.
What do you mean you don’t know what Care Bear would win in a fist fight? Get off me, this sex is over.
My neighbours dog has more friends than I do and he bites.
People act weird when I explain that I ate my twin in the womb, but when would have been the right time to do it?
It’s been four days since I started this rap battle. I’m tired and just want to see my family.
Men and women can be ‘just friends’ if one of them is a ghost.
My therapist doesn’t believe in werewolves so I left my last session with more problems than when I arrived.
If I were a cashier I’d pretend people were waiting in line to kiss me.
If you carry a knife in your mouth, people wont ask you what your Valentines Day plans are.
Nothing sexier than when a man pulls you close, looks deep into your eyes, and puts a Babybel in your mouth.