@Dawn_M_

How much longer must I pretend to understand the eclipse, this is exhausting.

@Dawn_M_

What do you mean you don’t know what Care Bear would win in a fist fight? Get off me, this sex is over.

@Dawn_M_

My neighbours dog has more friends than I do and he bites.

@Dawn_M_

[Speed Dating]

People act weird when I explain that I ate my twin in the womb, but when would have been the right time to do it?

@Dawn_M_

It’s been four days since I started this rap battle. I’m tired and just want to see my family.

@Dawn_M_

Men and women can be ‘just friends’ if one of them is a ghost.

@Dawn_M_

My therapist doesn’t believe in werewolves so I left my last session with more problems than when I arrived.

@Dawn_M_

If I were a cashier I’d pretend people were waiting in line to kiss me.

@Dawn_M_

If you carry a knife in your mouth, people wont ask you what your Valentines Day plans are.

@Dawn_M_

Nothing sexier than when a man pulls you close, looks deep into your eyes, and puts a Babybel in your mouth.