@Dis0beyJay

*First Date*
Friend: Women like a little rebellion in a guy
Me:Ok
*Later*
Her: So, tell me about your day?
Me: I don’t have to tell you shit

@Dis0beyJay

Say what you want about cargo pants but no woman has ever turned down a guy who can carry 7 puppies at once

@Dis0beyJay

[at wedding]
Is there any reason why these two shouldn’t be wed?

* me yelling * SHE THINKS WOLVERINE COULD BEAT PREDATOR

*pianist vomits*

@Dis0beyJay

[ First Date ]

Her: So you’re a MMA fighter?

* flashback to me kickboxing a mannequin at Nordstrom’s *

Me: Yea, I’m still training

@Dis0beyJay

*Putting ikea furniture together*
Her: ummm, it’s supposed to be a dresser
Me:* Standing next to a wooden T.Rex* I KNOW WHAT IM DOING, LINDA