Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of DitzMcGeee's best tweets

@DitzMcGeee : when i was a little girl, grocery carts were free range; you'd see them all over town, in ditches, ponds; free. now, they're locked in chain gangs, selling themselves for quarters. sad.

@DitzMcGeee: [a blind date]

me: you look disappointed?

him: your text said you model...

me: autocorrect must've changed it; i don't model, i yodel. hey where are you going, should i just order for you?

@DitzMcGeee: beer bottle: if you break me? you get 1 year of bad luck.

mirror: aww, that's cute. break me? you'll get 7 years of bad luck!

condom: *walks away laughing*