@Divergentmama Husband: how come we don’t ever eat anything fancy anymore, like before we had kids?
Me: that’s not true
Husband: oh yeah, what’s for dinner tonight?
Me: (whispers) ˢˡᵒᵖᵖʸ ʲᵒˢᵉᵖʰˢ
@Divergentmama @Divergentmama Cashier: your total is only 4 bucks
Me: *taking back the 5th deer* whoops, my bad
@Divergentmama If my life is going to continually be this much of a disaster, I’m gonna need the Rock to make an appearance at some point.
@Divergentmama As soon as I get out of the hospital for this frostbite, my husband and I are going to have words about who controls the thermostat.
@Divergentmama My husband asked me if I thought deep down that all of this time together was bringing us closer as a family. And then we laughed and laughed.
@Divergentmama Me: I’m so tired of being stuck at home – I’d give anything for a reason to leave
*gets email that sports practices start next week*
Me: not like that
@Divergentmama Does this mask make my face look funny?
*husband slowly backs out of the room
@Divergentmama You can check out anytime you like
You can never leave
Please bring me my wine2020 is officially Hotel California
@Divergentmama On Wednesdays we do cardio!
*skips to the kitchen for another snack
@Divergentmama What is the worst kind of pasta and why do you think it’s penne?