@divergentmama
If bees have to die after they sting you, then at the very least I hope mosquitoes get hangovers that make them feel like death after they bite drunk people.
@divergentmama
@divergentmama
Why do I always find it necessary to announce “crap, I have the hiccups” like no one can hear the ridiculous noise my body is making?
@divergentmama
“I’m not really hungry for dinner” is teenager for “you are definitely going to find 3 empty soda bottles and 16 fruit snack wrappers in my bedroom.”
@divergentmama
[Texting with husband]
Him: I hate when you correct me and make feel like an idiot. Your lucky I love you so much
Me: awwww *you’re
@divergentmama
I got so many steps at IKEA that my smart watch messaged me to ask if it had been stolen
@divergentmama
Thunder only happens when it’s raining
Thundercats only happen when there’s no spaying
@divergentmama
It’s just like the old saying goes… the family that plays games together – doesn’t speak to each other for the rest of the night
@divergentmama
Him: you were having some crazy dreams last night
Me: good ones or nightmares?
Him: not sure but you kept kicking me
Me: ah definitely good ones
@divergentmama
Sunday and Monday would be great names for twins if one was kind of normal and quiet and the other one was pure evil.
@divergentmama
TV Show Pitch: 90 Day Parents, give kids to people without kids who think they have all the answers about raising kids so they can see how wrong they were.