I have just finished interviewing a young man for a job at my workplace.
I asked him, “Can you perform under pressure?”
He replied: “Im not sure, but I do an amazing Bohemian Rhapsody!”
What’s the difference between bird flu and swine flu? Bird flu requires tweetment; swine flu requires oinkment.
Restaurant toilets are dangerous!
So many of my dates have gone to use them and vanished!
I ate my exam paper. Which means that pretty soon I’ll pass the test.
I heard on the news that some guy was stealing wheels off police cars. The police are working tirelessly to catch him.
Just saw a guy running down the road with a cape on, so I shouted, “Hey! Are you a superhero!?”
He yelled “no I didn’t pay for my haircut!”
A Pun enters a room and kills 10 people…
Pun in, ten dead
we squint at the sun because it’s bright
we squint at people because they are not…
I went into my local bookstore and asked for a book on turtles ?? The assistant said. Hardback. I said. Yeah, with little heads.
did you know that before the crowbar was invented,
crows used to drink at home….
Are people born with photographic memories or do they take time to develop ??
In English, a double negative forms a positive. in some languages, like Russian, a double negative is still a negative. In no language in the world can a double positive form a negative.
yeah…. right…
apart from It’s ok
what other death threats
do women use?
Statisticly 6 out of 7 dwarfs arent happy…
What do you get when you mix alcohol and literature?
Tequila mockingbird.