The only difference between an outpatient mental health facility and a bar is the lighting.
I thought the brakes on my car were squealing but it was just a Mariah Carey song on the radio.
I only do cardio because it’s impossible to stalk someone you can’t keep up with.
I can’t remember the ending of one single movie I’ve seen since they started selling booze in theaters.
Getting away from it all is great until you realize there’s no pizza delivery.
It wasn’t a crisis until my mother heard about it.
Not to say I’m reckless, but my guardian angel wears a blindfold.
Why eat high-calorie yogurt when you can just have ice cream for breakfast instead?
Until I got married I didn’t even know it was possible to chew bubblegum arrogantly.
I can really relate to pi because I also keep going forever after the point has been made.