My car has a sunroof, but I consider it more of a middle finger display hatch.
As the day goes on, coworkers start appearing more flammable.
Whoa. Wait a minute.
So those stick figures on your car aren’t for pedestrians you ran over?
*starts scraping off her stickers*
Him: I love redheads. I could totally see you being a great wife.
Me: I could totally see you being a great chalk outline.
I’m the kind of girl who won’t stop until you’re screaming your safeword.
Related: Your safeword’s the first 16 digits of your credit card.
Standing in the liquor store, trying to decide if tonight’s dose of self-loathing and regret should have a screw-top or a cork.
If we’re talking & I start running my nails up & down your arm, I either really like you, or I’m looking for an artery close to the surface.
It sucks when someone cuts you off in traffic and you have to catch up to them & throw a perfectly good cup of coffee at their windshield.