I like my women like I like my woods: haunted & can kill me at any moment.
Sure sex is cool, but have you ever pulled an old book off a bookcase, opened a secret door & were never seen again
Be the reason why the lights flicker when you enter a room
Practice self-care like vampires: sleep all day, eat all night & outlive everyone who has ever loved you.
Of course I have body issues, I can’t explode into a thousand crows.
I’m goth enough to know that when your basement door opens for no apparent reason, you walk down those steps.
Be the reason why your priest clutches their rosary when they look at you.
Don’t invite me over unless you are trying to secretly transfer a cursed object to me.
I like my women like I like my ancient staircases, curvy and can send me straight to hell.
Hungover? Hydrate. Anxious? Hydrate. Want to advance Satan’s agenda here on Earth? Hydrate.
If you know someone who is effortlessly happy all the time, that’s a demon. You’re friends with a demon.
If you’re in an old house & the basement door opens for no reason, go into that basement.
Horror movies have given me an unrealistic expectation about finding an armoire with a false back where a ghost lives.
Be the reason why a nun does the sign of the cross when she looks at you.
Don’t invite me over unless you are trying to secretly transfer a possessed artifact to me.