@DrakeGatsby: [First Day As A Director]
Me: [forgot how to end a scene] *tackles the cameraman*
@DrakeGatsby: Me: I’m an actor
Date: Oh that’s cool!
Me: Have you seen “No Country For Old Men?”
Date: I love that movie!
Me: Yeah it’s awesome. Anyway, haven’t booked any roles yet.
@DrakeGatsby: Him: I’m a pilot. Got a degree in aviation, thousands of flight hours, a lot-
Me: I’m a pilot too! Hot air balloons.
Him: That’s really not the same at all, you-
Me: *pantomiming pulling a chain*
Him: How do you even steer?
Me: *shrugs* Anyway, we have the same job.
@DrakeGatsby: If global warming is a hoax, then how do you explain all these hot singles in my area?
@DrakeGatsby: The interesting thing about stabbing somebody in the chest with a giant sharpened stick is it will kill them whether they’re a vampire or just a regular dude
@DrakeGatsby: Me: You’ll never take me alive.
Executioner: Yeah that wouldn’t make sense.
@DrakeGatsby: Wife: Why can’t you just say phrases correctly?!
Me: Well aren’t you a ray of sunscreen.
@DrakeGatsby: Wife: I’m leaving you
Me: *Removing my guinea pig’s party hat and covering its ears* On Guineth Paltrow’s birthday?
@DrakeGatsby: When I was growing up, “Deadpool” was just what we called our neighbors’ hot tub after he mysteriously drowned in it.