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Page of DrakeGatsby's best tweets

@DrakeGatsby : Me: *holding my pet rat who is wearing full karate gear* Oh RAP battle, that makes more sense.

@DrakeGatsby: [First Day As A Director]

Me: [forgot how to end a scene] *tackles the cameraman*

@DrakeGatsby: Me: I’m an actor

Date: Oh that’s cool!

Me: Have you seen “No Country For Old Men?”

Date: I love that movie!

Me: Yeah it’s awesome. Anyway, haven’t booked any roles yet.

@DrakeGatsby: Him: I’m a pilot. Got a degree in aviation, thousands of flight hours, a lot-

Me: I’m a pilot too! Hot air balloons.

Him: That’s really not the same at all, you-

Me: *pantomiming pulling a chain*

Him: How do you even steer?

Me: *shrugs* Anyway, we have the same job.

@DrakeGatsby: If global warming is a hoax, then how do you explain all these hot singles in my area?

@DrakeGatsby: The interesting thing about stabbing somebody in the chest with a giant sharpened stick is it will kill them whether they’re a vampire or just a regular dude

@DrakeGatsby: Me: You’ll never take me alive.

Executioner: Yeah that wouldn’t make sense.

@DrakeGatsby: Wife: Why can’t you just say phrases correctly?!

Me: Well aren’t you a ray of sunscreen.

@DrakeGatsby: Wife: I’m leaving you

Me: *Removing my guinea pig’s party hat and covering its ears* On Guineth Paltrow’s birthday?

@DrakeGatsby: When I was growing up, “Deadpool” was just what we called our neighbors’ hot tub after he mysteriously drowned in it.