If you make it through life without being portrayed in a murder documentary, take the win.
Whenever I’m in a waiting room full of miserable looking people, I really regret not bringing my ukulele.
Is it soup spoon or dessert spoon when eating a jar of mayonnaise?
Villain: Hand over your gun.
*I hand him my gun*
Villain: And your sidepiece.
*I hand him my sock*