If chickens knew how good they tasted they would understand.
If the line takes more than 5 minutes at the grocery store the candy beside the checkout aisle should be free.
[20 minutes after it stops raining]
ME: *turns off windshield wipers*
If you fall asleep long enough the steering wheel gives you a pillow.
SCIENTIST: I’ve written several books on how to cure cancer.
PUBLISHER: would you be willing to curate?
SCIENTIST: ideally, I’d like to cure them all.
Grocery prices are so bad I could only afford “some purpose” flour.
A moment of silence please. Not for anyone in particular, everyone just shut up.
Heavens to Betsy
Betsy to Heavens
Heavens BACK to Betsy
Betsy-GOOOOOAAAALLLLLLLL
Oh we’ve met.
![]()
Grocery store puns? Aisle allow it.
I’m a pancake in that I’m attracted to all cakes equally.
Whoever robbed the archery store, take a bow.
*rip*
stupid
*rip*
automatic
*rip*
STOP
*rip*
GIVING
*rip*
ME
*rip*
PAPER
*rip*
TOWELS
*rip*
[the purge alarm blares in the distance]
ME: *adds a 13th item in the express line at the grocery store*
Went to bank robbing school and the teacher told me to take notes.